The Spreading of the Ashes

ok, my stuff is still in another email account, so i've gotta send it all to the other account. it's all saved on my puter too, but if any of the 3 goes away, i panic. i can NOT lose that stuff. it's me it's my emotions. it's my soul. so i've not written anything since we spread my father's ashes (9-29). i miss creating. i've not made anything with a lasting value in a while. a few people have shown me that my words to them are lasting, but i need more. the last song i wrote:

I don't want to be alone tonight

After the spreading of the ashes

I don't trust my hands

After the spreading of the ashes

I don't trust myself

After the spreading of the ashes

I don't trust in heaven

After the spreading of the ashes

There's no pain I haven't felt

There's no wall I haven't built

There's no way that I've never lied

There's no reason I've never cried

There's no blood I haven't shed

There's no reason I left my bed

There's no way I haven't gone

There's no battle that I have won

There's no answer that I have known

There's no path that I've been shown

There's no God that I have seen

There's no savior where I'm going

There's no love I can taste

And all of this I can't erase

I don't want to be alone tonight

After the spreading of the ashes

I don't trust my hands

After the spreading of the ashes

I don't trust myself

After the spreading of the ashes

I don't trust in heaven

After the spreading of the ashes