i = bad person.

i just read about 20 entries that mroutt made today and boy is my mind not happy. too much jumping around and WAY too many themes. i listened to more nirvana, because i find myself wanting more and more recently. all that i seem to be interested in hearing (for the past week) is Soul Asylum, Smashing Pumpkins, and Nirvana. all 3 bands make me cry in the happiest of ways. my mom called today. long story short, she cried a bunch. nothing changed except she told me said loves me and i'm welcome in her house again. i'll attempt to keep in touch with her, but i'm not going to visit nor call as frequently as i once did. reasoning: i'm sick of taking advantage of her. i'm sick of her giving me things even when i'm trying NOT to take advantage of her. i'm sick of having the security of her money. i'm sick of never feeling like i earned anything because she helps me even when i could succeed on my own. i've fucked my mom over WAY too much. for that, i am a HUGE asshole. i wish there was a way i could repay her. i can always give her money, but that'll never compensate for the respect i never showed her. i'm a dick. bleh. that's a "i hope i choke and then shards of whatever i'm choking on burst through my throat right as i'm about to die, so i bleed to death rather than suffocate" bleh. i feel like a bad person because i am one. NOTE TO READERS: DON'T TRY TO CHEER ME UP OR CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE. I'M VENTING. I'LL QUIT BEING A BAD PERSON AND FEEL GOOD ON MY OWN.