movie brooding bitch

i feel like the camera's just swirling about me. looking down on me, sitting here in a little ball on the floor, at a 35 degree angle. swiling circles around me in about 3 seconds. until the music picks up, Talking Shit About a Pretty Sunset, and the circles grow even faster. this is the point where the audience sees how genuinely sad the main character looks and there are repeated mutterings of "Wow, he's a good actor."

only, i'm not acting. i'm really sitting here trying my hardest to figure out why. why this, why that, why everything? it's not that i'm a loner, but i still get to be alone. 2500 miles away there's a smile on your face until you hear my voice. it'd be nice if just once i ranked above third on someone's priority list.

i once had a girlfriend that i thought loved me. she slapped called me an asshole and slapped me in the face. she left me crying, alone. she sucked my best friend's dick six days later. she began lieing to all my friends, claiming i was emotionally abusive. i lost most of my friends. she told me that her new boyfriend, who was addicted to heroin and beat her regularly, was a better boyfriend than i ever was. it's hard for me to feel special anymore. at least she paid enough attention to me to try and ruin my life. at least she knew i was alive. at least she knew i was suffering.