Why we stay awake when we be ac'in' like we drunk

The thing about girlfriends/fiancees/wives (hopefully singular, but you know, whatevs) is that they give you a reason to stay awake. I get home drunk at 9 PM and I might as well go to bed. What the fuck else am I going to do with my night? Send drunken text messages to people that don't want to hear from me? Pig out on even more junk food because my body just needs a few more pounds? There's nothing for me at this hour. Except some fucking out of date website and some fucking mistakes waiting to be made.