re-angie

ok, after talking to andrea, not talking to angie, and re-reading my "for all of you i've ever been involved with" entry i'd like to revamp what i said about angie. i worded the stuff in that paragraph REALLY weird. it didn't come out right. no, i don't think i loved angie. but, i did really like her. she put up with people talking shit about me and telling her to break up with me. i was a fucking dick. yes, a REAL fucking dick to a lot of people during that time and prior to it. that what that whole entry was about. my times as a fucking dick. yet, she saw through it. and she HAD to have liked me. no one puts up with that shit for the small amount of physical contact we had. so she liked me. damn. because that doesn't happen often. and i liked her. to the point where julie became frightened. well, not frightened. just read. at one point, julie said "at first, i thought you were going to corrupt angie and make her all not virginal, but now i think she's corrupting you and making you more virginal." those weren't her exact words, that's me talking for her. but she said something which was slightly more dramatic. those of you that know julie, try imagining her saying something with that same message, but in the voice and rhetoric she would use. now you get it. and that's why it was cool with angie. SHE corrupted me. wel, not corrupted. she IMPROVED me. and anyone that can do that (whether i'm dating them or not) is a SERIOUSLY influential person to me. it's not too hard to make a bad thing worse. but to make it better, that takes heart and talent. basically, i'd like to at least thank angie for what she did for me. i think it was the first step towards me being a better person. then we broke up, and i, rather than revert back, continued taking the necessary steps to become a better person. and i'm still trying. and i'm still improving. and THAT's why i'm happy in life. because i'm a better person than i was last week. and next week, i'll be better yet. and i have self-esteem now, not an ego (i used to have an ego to compensate for my lack of self-esteem). so, thanks angie. we should talk some time. give me a call or give me your number. i WILL call. i've started calling people now :)