i still feel.

"beneath the stains of time, the feelings disappear. you are someone else, i am still right here."

so, i've been listening to NIN a bunch. Men Without Hats makes me feel good, but it's kinda like being on ecstacy. i'm a fucking retard. i feel good, but i'm a total fucking retard. i get nothing done (not like i'm always getting something done) when i'm in that mood. i'm just floaty happy. NIN makes me think though. NIN makes me need to know where i'm going and what i'm doing. i'm not just listening to some band, i'm listening to myself. if i only listened to Men Without Hats and the like, i'd still be here in a year. i'd still be here in 10 years. i've no reason to go anywhere or do anything if i feel that fabricated happiness. but the brutal honesty of NIN makes me question if i'll even be here tomorrow. conclusion, i will be here tomorrow. i'll be here for just a little while longer. i am finding nothing new here make new friends and everything that i held dear but keep the old is slowly degenerating one is silver and will soon be dead the other's gold and i'm sick of waiting for that death.

"if i could start again a million miles away, i would keep myself that far away."