Of All That Is...

i'm unsure of how to begin this entry. i have a lot of things i want to say and i feel that each of them would be the most effective opener to this entry. the shortest of these would be to state that i didn't have a wonderful night. there were good parts. i enjoyed spending time with my friends and with my girlfriend, but many times weren't so great.

i watched About Schmidt with lisa and at the end of the movie, felt like i was a total waste to the world and would never ammount to anything. many people feel this way and...now i'm getting into a longer point i intended to put off for a bit. point 1 is that i was feeling worthless.

the next turn (which was really what brought me to my lowest) was when my car window wouldn't go back up. it's not a big deal to most people. however, it meant a great deal to me. about 1 week ago, my windshield wipers began malfuntioning and tonight my window wouldn't work. while trying to fix it, i accidentally busted the small plastic device i'd taking for granted that ran my automatic windows that i'd taken for granted. now, my driver's window is stuck down and i've had to cover the hole with grabage bags to keep the rain (which began while i was trying to fix the window) out of my car so it doesn't ruin my interior. it would be illegal for me to drive my car with the window covered by a garbage bag and impracticle (winter is now upon us) to drive with the window completely down. so, i must pay to have the window fixed, but i've no money to do so. even if i had the money, i will soon need it for other things. my car insurance runs out in a matter of days and my registration technically ended several days ago, although i can still drive with it until the end of this month. because i'm on a driving probation, i will lose my license if i am pulled over for a moving violation. such violations include driving a non-registered car, driving an uninsured car, and having an obscured drivers window. additionally, if i lose my license again, i will lose it for 5 years this time since i've lost it 2 previous times. i don't really feel like giving the full story about why i lost it, but it boils down to 1 ticket that i got which caused me to lose it and then be required to carry special insurance would cost triple standard insurance prices and i could not afford. because i could not afford these prices and i needed to get to work so i could even try, i was pulled over and had it suspended again. twice. ok, so i did tell the story.

now i've made an entry too long for anyone to put any consideration into what i'm about to write. the following (which i will now do as a seperate entry) did not need this introction. however, without this introduction, i feel that my proper mood setting and motivation are lost and meaning would be taken away.

if you read this entry i am glad, not that you you've taken your time to listen to my troubles, but because you understand why i feel the need to write more.