Even if you never ask

So you ask how I've been. Well, I've been alright. I feel distant from everything. Things should be bothering me. Following the 1/12 rule, I should be upset about my relationship ending for another 2.5 months. I'm not really upset about it though. I haven't made any mix tapes. I haven't written any poems. I haven't called drunk trying to get her back. I don't even talk about her much. Yes, I guess you could say I'm hiding something. You might even be right. But I'm not hiding that I want her back. I'm hiding the fact that I worry that I'll be alone. I'm hiding that there are people who I would like to date. There are people I'd like to fool around (sexually, for those of you too dense to determine that) with, but I'm not hiding that.
What more is there that I'm not telling you? A lot, probably. Because you're not asking. I'm having a great time while I'm hanging out. How am I when you're not around? How are you when I'm not around? I assume you're doing well, but I know things are bothering you. Do you notice that anything is bothering me? Do you even realize I'm writing this to you? If you're reading this, I'm writing this to you. This includes myself. Even I try to ignore that something is bothering me.
How are things going though, really?
Well, I've got a great job that pays a lot. I'm making more than $1000 after taxes every 2 weeks. I'm getting money saved. I should probably mention that I owe people money though. Katie: $150, Tony T. Rockstar: $110, Iowa City Dental School: $350, My Sister: $175, Lisa: about $1500. Furthermore, my engine's ruined in my old car. It would've been $2000 to fix, so I had to pay them $250 for the check, only to scrap the car for $50. Now I have to buy a new car. If you speak to me in person, and you don't ask, don't listen close enough, you'll only hear that I make a lot of money and that I'm doing great financially.
You may hear that I'm actually speaking to a few ladies that I have a shot with. Do I though? I am speaking to ladies. Does it matter? Do I even want to date them. See, I haven't even kissed someone since Lisa and I broke up. Well, technically I kissed Lisa about 3 hours after we broke up, once, but that was her and it was the same day. The break up feels final, but I don't know how I'm going to feel kissing, hugging, holding, snuggling, sleeping next to, or fucking someone else. You've probably heard me talk about how bad ass I am, and how I can get anyone, but I haven't yet. I'm fairly unsure when I will. If you want to be my rebound, let me know. Seriously, that would be awesome. You think I'm kidding, and I am to some extent. I'm also partially serious though. I'm single, I understand that, and I'm going to consider anyone as a possibility of someone I could date. Well, any females. I still don't think I could ever be with a guy, because I really like going down on girls.
Am I really accomplishing anything that's furthering me in my proverbial life goals? No. When my stuff was stolen from my car, I lost most will to write anything. Furthermore, I lost all means to, as I had no notebook, pencils, or anything similar. I've remedied that since. I've written a little bit of music and I'm working on a movie with Mike. Will anything come of it? I don't know. Doeden keeps on me about getting together to work on music, so we'll do that and it's good to have someone else passionate about it. Am I good enough? I doubt it, and that's part of what holds me back. I'm going to just ignore those doubts though. If we start working on music and Doeden and Mossy quit trying to get me to work on it, I'll know it's not going to happen because I'm not good enough. For now though, I've got to assume I am.
One thing that has been going well all around is my health. I've been losing weight, slowly, and gaining muscle, slowly, so it's in a completely healthy way, and there's no need to worry about that. I've been keeping myself clean and Maddie trimmed up my hair for me, so it looks nice and has no split ends. I smoke less than 1 pack a day on average, so that's an improvement.
I want to point out that I didn't want to tell you any of this. I wanted you to ask. I wanted someone to ask. I want someone to care, but it's hypocritical of me to expect anything when I never ask what's bothering you. I'm adjusting to a life that I haven't lived in 5 years, and I'm trying not to fall back into that life. I am falling into it anyway. I'll climb out. I'll end up on top. Anyone that wants to lend a hand, I'll gladly accept, but I'll never ask for it. It's just who I am, and I love who I am. I'm a wonderful person.