Burning Strait Through, this is the Closest You May Ever Get

burning strait through
this is the closest you may ever get

confident that no one actually goes back and reads my entries, i feel that i can write REALLY personal and rather controversial things in here. if anyone HAPPENS to go back and read these things, i would GREATLY appreciate them keeping silent. if you wish to speak to ME about it, you can, but do NOT address others about it.

i am rather depressed tonight. not sad, not full of sorrow, i'm depressed. if had a good day. i had a good night. everything fell apart in a matter of moments. sometimes, people don't realize how much i really care about them. sometimes, i'm just too helpless to illustrate my genuine concern for people. sometimes, my words just aren't enough becuase people have been desensitized to the word "love." abuse relationships, failings marriges, and the like will do that to you. often times, my love causes me to want the best for those i love. i should, shouldn't it. by my deffinition, it should. if i ever state that i love someone. if i ever tell you i love you, i want you to do the following:
1) neglect how you previously deffined loved
2) understand that i define love as complete concern about the other person. if i love someone, i value them above myself in every aspect. anything they can do is better than anything i can do. love is more than that too, i simply can not portray it good enough.
3) take my deffiniton and imagine the greatest peace you've ever felt, then add that
4) understand that's what i mean when i say i love you.
see, when i love someone, i would do absolutely anything for them. they don't even need to ask me to. i will always try to help them. some people do this for me, thanks, but i'm not getting into that here. i'm having so much trouble writing what i'm thinking because i'm thinking too quickly and too many words have been degraded by peoples' use of them. here's the best i can explain:
most people hate hypocracy. they will do, or at least claim to do, as much as possible not to be a hypcrite. i'll be a hypocrite. love makes me a hypocrite. love sets a second standard. it's a standard deffined by the love. example: i greatly disaprove of people cheating on their significant others, especially their spouses. if someone i loved were to do this, i'd be upset. i'd forgive them though. i'd forgive them quickly, because i love them and i can not stay mad at them. for this reason, i've put up with a lot of shit in relationships. so have other, that i love. example: if some guy was living with a chick that he loves and she was fucking other people, he should be pissed, it's wrong. if he honestly loved her though, he'd look past it, because he loved her too much. it doesn't make her actions any better, and he probably should not be ok with it, especially when she refuses to date him, since she dislikes him, but he'll forgive her. love makes you forgive. you have no choice. all of this troubles me so much. when you set your second standard, you get taking advantage of. no one has to try. sometimes, the only real way i'm being taken advantage of is simply that the person i love is not taking my feelings into account. they're not directly wronging me, so i can forgive them, as i do with people i love, but it will still upset me. tonight, several people i love were doing things that i knew were far from the best thing for them. what they were doing was completely harmful to them, but i could not stop them. it hurt me so much to know that they'd hurt themselves like that, but i have to forgive them. i have nearly forgiven them already. i love them. it sucks. i don't think i have anything more to say. i guess a quote from Locke is appropriate. to set the circumstance, a man is about to jump off a building after his girlfriend, who fell from said building.

"All or nothing, this is love."